desert blossom

I was speaking with a friend of mine about ministering to homeless individuals. A church crowd appeared to have some great intentions of feeding people on the side of the road. Why not bring a van load of sandwiches to hungry people living on the streets?

As I thought about these ideas and remarks, I noticed that some of our ministry ideas benefit ourselves more than they benefit those we are attempting to help. For example, when you are standing by a van filled with sandwiches, you have already set yourself apart from the community you are trying to reach. Though feeding those in need is an admirable task and may prove to be beneficial for a meal or two, it does not get at the heart of the need. My husband recounted a story he read about some men passing a woman on the side of the road. Like others before them, the well intentioned men offered her a sandwich to eat. Looking at her bare feet, she mentioned that she had no shoes to wear. She then asked what made them think that the sandwich would help her feet? They neglected to find out the woman’s most pressing need. In a spirit of humility the man removed his shoes and put them on the woman’s feet. Neither my husband or I know what the outcome of the story was (I hope that I retold it correctly), but the point was clear. Even when we are well intentioned ministers, we need to ask questions to find out more about those whom we are trying to serve.

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I am reading Brian McLaren’s A New Kind of Christian. I am thoroughly enjoying this book and the fact that it was on the recommended reading list for one of my summer classes. Even so, I cannot help but feel frustrated with my current situation.

Last Sunday I was in a church service. Usually we prayer prior to the beginning of our gathering, which is followed by some additional fellowship as people begin to settle in and make themselves comfortable. I enjoy speaking with people during this time; although, I must admit that I am a bit shy and reserved about meeting new people. Eventually I warm up to the idea and muster the courage to introduce myself. Soon service begins, and we study Scripture as we explore what God would want us to glean from the message. Usually these thoughts are illustrated by the speaker and later elaborated on by the group. Following the message and a closing prayer, the floor is opened for questions and comments from the group. As this time fizzles, we return to our socializing and eventually make our way to the parking lot, usually choosing to meet for dinner in order to continue our conversations. I love this kind of community. I find myself very candid, feeling free to be myself without the concern of condemnation. What is not to love?

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So, I have been thinking about how we live under grace since Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross. How amazing is that? God loves us just that much.

I envision the Bible as a love story between a creator and his creation. God made us to be in perfect communion with him, yet we screwed it up. Sin entered the world and now everyone is born with this inevitable desire to sin. The Old Testament highlights a lot of ways that humanity has struggled with making a mess of our purpose. Then the New Testament introduces a redeemer so powerful that he alone can conquer sin and its punishment of death. This redeemer paid the ultimate price for sin when he chose to die. Now, creation is able to commune with God again the way it was intended (although this will not come to fruition until the kingdom of God is established).

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“A still small voice”… this is what I am told. Wait for it. Maybe your life is too cluttered to hear it. Maybe you need to rest. Am I the only one who doesn’t hear it? Why do I feel like prayer is not the answer I need?

It is so hard to be in a relationship with someone you cannot see. I am learning this more and more each day. As I pursue grad school, I am told of the countless ways to pray, express my theology, and care for others. I am challenged to bring my own experience and spiritual growth to the table. Spiritual growth? What growth? I feel like I haven’t been growing for some time. If we want to talk about anger and bitterness, I would be willing to show you growth. I feel like that is the only growth I have been involved in lately.

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Where do you go, when the world around you is collapsing? Where do you go, when all you know no longer exists, and you are all alone? Who can you trust, when all faith has been broken and replaced with bitterness?

I am beginning a new chapter of my life. I am returning to Candler School of Theology at Emory University. I plan to complete my MDiv. As I reflect on this time, I notice that there is so much that I must leave behind. I am not who I was, which is both good and bad.
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I have often dreamed of a far off place where a great warm welcome will be waiting. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be. I will find my way. I can go the distance. I’ll be there someday if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong.

I am on my way. I can go the distance. I don’t care how far. Somehow I’ll be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I would go most anywhere to find where I belong.
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The road gets lonely as I make my way down the somber path. I sense that I have lost my direction, but my compass guides my every footstep. Why did this path have to be so twisted and burdensome? I feel my feet run out from under me, then lag behind vainly trying to muster up another step. One minute the world looks calm, and the stars twinkle brightly, lighting my dusty path. The next minute blackness surrounds me, and I am engulfed in an endless abyss unable to escape.
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Have you ever felt like no one would notice if you were missing? This is how I felt today. Lost in a sea of faces… some filled with confusion, others bold as a bright light piercing the darkness. I spent the day at Emory University trying to get all my ducks in a row as the week progresses toward orientation. I was overwhelmed by the size of the place. It is like a small city of its own. I felt blond and lost as I wandered back and forth asking every third person for directions. I felt like I was searching for a needle in a haystack as passers-by kicked the needle out from under my reach just as I uncovered it. (Southeastern University could not have prepared me for this. It is David in comparison to that Philistine, Goliath.)
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Nothing very profound happened today, but I accomplished a lot. I wanted to note how good God has been to me throughout this transition into a new place and ministry.
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I have never blogged, but I have told myself that I need to start. Please be patient with me as I share some ideas that have unsettled my mind or penetrated my heart.
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