I have often dreamed of a far off place where a great warm welcome will be waiting. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be. I will find my way. I can go the distance. I’ll be there someday if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong.
I am on my way. I can go the distance. I don’t care how far. Somehow I’ll be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I would go most anywhere to find where I belong.
-Disney’s Hercules: “Go the Distance”
I feel like this is my theme song. A song of sorrow and hope. A dreamer’s wishful thinking, as she goes out into the world to discover where she fits in the grand scheme of life. Hope lies in the distance, beckoning her to follow it’s voice. Somehow she will find the courage to overcome her fears and insecurities. She is willing to leave the lies she has heard all her life, yet she does not feel prepared to tread this ground alone. Her journey will be a long and difficult one, yet it will be worth it when she arrives at her destination. The dilemma that she faces is that she perceives her journey as ending at a location, an education, a job, a ministry, an accomplishment here on earth. She has lost sight of where her treasures are being stored. She has packed them in a small trunk that she carries everywhere with her, but she is too afraid to open it. Her treasure has laid waste and begun to rust, but she is none the wiser. Lost, alone, and afraid she desires to press on, but the pain and the difficulty of situations and decisions past and present leaves her stunned and immobile. Will she ever take the first steps necessary to embark on this journey to find where she is called to be and what she is to do?
This past year has been one of great triumph and great tribulation. I almost lost faith in all that I believed about God and the Bible. I was not ready to walk through a door that I had chosen. I enjoyed the room I stood in and even some of the points they made. They were intelligent. They were different, but could I agree with what they had to say? A leader and great inspiration told me that I was not ready to open that particular door, but I did not listen. I thought I knew better. I had something to prove to everyone… to myself.
Then I embarked on uncharted waters. I became a leader to the young and abandoned. I saw hope in them; I had hope within me. We would explore these waters together, becoming family along the way. We would overcome obstacles, no matter the size. We were not invincible, nor were we alone. Each day would bring an unique opportunity, a distinct mission, or a perplexing matter, yet we would do our best to be ready. One by one new faces joined our journey. What was left up to us to accomplish with few has grown into many. Many faithful and fearless leaders have stepped in to relieve our burden and help us accomplish each task. For this I am eternally grateful. These leaders… these men and women of God are family. But as my time grew short I knew it was time to look forward to a new endeavor. What would the future hold?
As I ponder the goodness of God over this past year, I cannot help but marvel at how much He loves and cares for me despite what I deserve. I am thankful for the long awaited reunion with my best friend… my love… my husband. I am hopeful that God will carry me through this desert place and allow me to rest on His oasis.
Never in my life have I been as confused as now, while I stand here at the crossroads awaiting my own decision. Am I ready to trust God with all that I am and all that I have? The road of indecision is laden with weary wanderers. Each day births a new adventure, if only we would take the time to stop and make a choice. I choose to walk this road, but I hope that it will not be for long. I can see a fork in the road up ahead. It is my crossroads, and now I must choose. Pray for me.